I went for a walk the other day. The sun was shining and though the thermometer said it was -5C, the sun was warm on my cheeks. Its light was yellow and glowing. And I realized, holy crap, the season's starting to change!
Winter is a hard period for me. It's always been. I started light therapy when I was sixteen and have done it every year since (expect the five glorious years I lived in California). Maybe I'm a lizard at heart, needing the heat of summer to come alive. Or a flower, thriving on the rays of sun to boost my metabolism.
Or perhaps the winter in Scandinavia just sucks.
I'll admit it's been slightly better after moving to Sweden since the weather pattern where I am now is better than in gloomy Denmark even though we've got less daylight. At least there's a decent chance of frost and snow, and say what you will about snow, but when it's dark 20 hours out of the day, you need it to light up scenery!
This year has been better than last. Last year I shut down completely for 2 months and only focused on staying atop of my studies. This year, I've been working and I've managed to be quite productive with writing and being creative. Possibly due to the fact I'm back on anti-depressant (I wasn't last year), but maybe just getting the proper routine of work helped too.
What I have managed to do though, is forgetting how useless I usually am during winter. I was incredible productive in January. I wrote a bunch and started up 117 new projects both writings, this blog thingy, updating websites, promo, etc. Then I suddenly got tired and kinda hit the wall.
The last 2-3 weeks I've gotten very little done. I went to work, came home, melted on the couch, went to bed, repeat. I got so angry with myself. Why didn't I do anything? Why was I just sitting there? Watching comfort shows and cuddling my cats. Why wasn't I writing on the story I wanted to write on? Why was I so damn lazy!
And that's when I remembered; hey, it's winter you idiot! You're tired and you're allowed to be. The world's on fire and it's exhausting. You have a demanding job and it's okay to rest. It's completely fine to not be productive every single minute of the day. It's okay if you just write one sentence or edit one line. It's also okay to do nothing.
It's fine if you don't have the energy to be fun and engaging on social media. It's alright to be needing silence when you've spent the whole day talking and helping patients. It's okay to prioritize cozy time with your bf. It's great to keep up with your exercise and go to bed early. It's fine to just write down your ideas and leave them be for another time with more energy.
It's completely alright to do what self-care you need to make your day doable.
Take the time to rest.
The moments to breathe.
Prioritize doing the little things that make you happy.
And remember, the season's changing. The sun is getting warm again.
Spring is coming <3
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